The Meet
Meeting a potential new partner is never easy. Even at the basic relationship. Everyone is nervous, may not know each other at all. People tend to act differently when meeting a new person. Lets say, they're on their best behavior. Everyone wants to make a good first impression. Those with confidence tend to deal with it much better. Submissives tend to have a thousand questions running through their head. But what should you really be thinking about?
You need to know what you're looking for. There's a huge difference in looking for a sexual partner and looking for a potential life partner. I myself am not in to casual sex. Ironically, that's the easier of the two. If you're looking for a sexual partner, you just need to know that you're compatible. That you feel a sexual desire and start understanding each other well. You ideally determine a safe word, hard limits, and kinks that you both may have. A sexual relationship is, as relationship. You should treat it with as much importance.
Now, if you're looking for long term. You're looking for a real relationship. The first thing is, you should feel a spark. Just like falling in love. Because that's the direction you want it going. Sex shouldn't even be of importance at this point. Other than very lightly, as you discover each other. It's much easier if you know the person before hand. You'll most likely have arrived at this point through a mutual attraction. That is much easier than meeting someone for the first time. Because you already know each other at some level. You might even know if you are both in to D/s relationships.
If you're starting from scratch, like meeting someone new or a blind date, it is hard. In the beginning, you should just be getting to know each other. Most likely, you're not going to be talking about sex. Its just like any other relationship, learn what you're both in to. Careers, hobbies, movies, what do you have in common? That's what determines if you're truly compatible. Of coarse, don't forget about that spark. There as to be real attraction, something that draws you closer. Something that makes you want to spend time with each other. The sex comes when you start feeling it. The attraction gets stronger. Things get more serious. Sometimes its fast, sometimes it takes time. But it evolves like any other relationship.
This day in age though, the sex can come much faster. Even before meeting with social networks and dating apps. Even dating apps determining you're in to BDSM or D/s relationships. You should know the difference. We're assuming this is more serious though. Potentially long term. So rather you knew you were both in to D/s relationships by way of social networking, or arrived here through an organic relationship, there are still a lot of questions.
The best kind of sexual relationship is when it just happens. Your first several encounters may not even have BDSM involved. Or, it might start simple. If you both know you're in to it, you might get your hands pinned down, a little hair pulling, some ass smacks. But once you start discussing. You need to study, explore, and understand. Both of you.
The Dom should really be leading. If they're not, question if they're dominate at all. But all sexual interaction can be discussed. Submissives tend to be a little shy about it. Unless they're experienced and know themselves well. Dominates must know themselves well. If not, it's nearly impossible to lead. If you both know you're in to the kinks though, you should be discussing early. If the kinks are heavy, bondage and masochism, you should have a safe word and discussing hard limits.
Hard limits are things that are not to be done. This could end the sexual encounter, or even the entire relationship. Say for instance, no third party partners. Meaning you're exclusive. Even in a serious D/s relationship, you may involved other partners. But if it is your hard limit, it should be known. Or, it could be something between the two of you. It could be anal for instance. You just will not except it. No means no. Its that simple.
I urge you to not make hard limits something you have never tried though. You never know what you might like until you've tried. A lot of things might seem like a turn off until you try it. You should both be discussing these though. Thing you like, don't like, don't know. Be honest. Its how you determine how far you'll both go. Again, I urge you to try knew things though.
A good Dom, in a good relationship, should be able to read you well. They should be able to lead you through new experiences. But they should never push you to things you're not comfortable with. And if you're interested in something you're not comfortable with, a good Dom should be able to lead you through testing the waters. You should be discussing these things before even trying. And if ready to try, this is why we have safe words. Sometimes it helps to have a couple. One meaning, move on but skip this part, and one meaning end the scene or sexual encounter. You don't have to end the whole thing because something went wrong. The stronger the relationship, the easier it is to move past a wrong turn. A strong Dom is good at this.
I've always thought the biggest difference in a D/s relationship and a "normal" relationship is the depth of things. I've always felt a D/s relationship is a little deeper than you're basic relationship. Because there are a lot more things to discuss. The amount of care, understanding, effort put in to a D/s relationship hits at you're very soul. Very early. You should learn each other inside and out. The dedication tends to be even deeper. You'll do things with this person you would have probably never done things with someone from your past. You should dedicate yourselves to each others happiness. The Dom's highest priorities should be your mental, spiritual, and physical health. Then your care, your happiness, your self esteem, your confidence, and your pleasure. One of the best orders I've read and completely agreed with is like this:
To give you a little understanding though about what I said earlier. About the depth of a D/s relationship. My personal experience itself didn't start as D/s. I fell in love, she became my best friend, eventually got married. The sex evolved, getting in to kinks. Then we eventually realized what was very natural for us. I was dominate, and she was submissive. It evolved very organically. I have always naturally lead. We just had to work on the communication. The more we discussed, the closer we got. But when it went as far as collaring her, it was like getting married twice. With a whole new set of rules. And deeper understanding. With a stronger dedication. And it went both ways. It took our relationship to a completely different level. Everything was stronger, more intense. We became happier. More driven. It just made everything better.
The D/s relationship is much, much deeper than the sex or kinks. It really is 100% dedication, effort, respect, and love. The best way it works is when you're both more concerned over the others happiness than you're own. Its a very selfless relationship. And it works amazing that way. How can you be unhappy when you're both fighting every day to make each other happy. Both in and out of the bedroom. Its not just about making each other happy. Its about making each other better, stronger. Great sex has never hurt a relationship though.
So, for the best D/s relationship and sexual experience, there are things you should be discussing and things that should never happen.
Discuss these topic:
You need to know what you're looking for. There's a huge difference in looking for a sexual partner and looking for a potential life partner. I myself am not in to casual sex. Ironically, that's the easier of the two. If you're looking for a sexual partner, you just need to know that you're compatible. That you feel a sexual desire and start understanding each other well. You ideally determine a safe word, hard limits, and kinks that you both may have. A sexual relationship is, as relationship. You should treat it with as much importance.
Now, if you're looking for long term. You're looking for a real relationship. The first thing is, you should feel a spark. Just like falling in love. Because that's the direction you want it going. Sex shouldn't even be of importance at this point. Other than very lightly, as you discover each other. It's much easier if you know the person before hand. You'll most likely have arrived at this point through a mutual attraction. That is much easier than meeting someone for the first time. Because you already know each other at some level. You might even know if you are both in to D/s relationships.
If you're starting from scratch, like meeting someone new or a blind date, it is hard. In the beginning, you should just be getting to know each other. Most likely, you're not going to be talking about sex. Its just like any other relationship, learn what you're both in to. Careers, hobbies, movies, what do you have in common? That's what determines if you're truly compatible. Of coarse, don't forget about that spark. There as to be real attraction, something that draws you closer. Something that makes you want to spend time with each other. The sex comes when you start feeling it. The attraction gets stronger. Things get more serious. Sometimes its fast, sometimes it takes time. But it evolves like any other relationship.
This day in age though, the sex can come much faster. Even before meeting with social networks and dating apps. Even dating apps determining you're in to BDSM or D/s relationships. You should know the difference. We're assuming this is more serious though. Potentially long term. So rather you knew you were both in to D/s relationships by way of social networking, or arrived here through an organic relationship, there are still a lot of questions.
The best kind of sexual relationship is when it just happens. Your first several encounters may not even have BDSM involved. Or, it might start simple. If you both know you're in to it, you might get your hands pinned down, a little hair pulling, some ass smacks. But once you start discussing. You need to study, explore, and understand. Both of you.
The Dom should really be leading. If they're not, question if they're dominate at all. But all sexual interaction can be discussed. Submissives tend to be a little shy about it. Unless they're experienced and know themselves well. Dominates must know themselves well. If not, it's nearly impossible to lead. If you both know you're in to the kinks though, you should be discussing early. If the kinks are heavy, bondage and masochism, you should have a safe word and discussing hard limits.
Hard limits are things that are not to be done. This could end the sexual encounter, or even the entire relationship. Say for instance, no third party partners. Meaning you're exclusive. Even in a serious D/s relationship, you may involved other partners. But if it is your hard limit, it should be known. Or, it could be something between the two of you. It could be anal for instance. You just will not except it. No means no. Its that simple.
I urge you to not make hard limits something you have never tried though. You never know what you might like until you've tried. A lot of things might seem like a turn off until you try it. You should both be discussing these though. Thing you like, don't like, don't know. Be honest. Its how you determine how far you'll both go. Again, I urge you to try knew things though.
A good Dom, in a good relationship, should be able to read you well. They should be able to lead you through new experiences. But they should never push you to things you're not comfortable with. And if you're interested in something you're not comfortable with, a good Dom should be able to lead you through testing the waters. You should be discussing these things before even trying. And if ready to try, this is why we have safe words. Sometimes it helps to have a couple. One meaning, move on but skip this part, and one meaning end the scene or sexual encounter. You don't have to end the whole thing because something went wrong. The stronger the relationship, the easier it is to move past a wrong turn. A strong Dom is good at this.
I've always thought the biggest difference in a D/s relationship and a "normal" relationship is the depth of things. I've always felt a D/s relationship is a little deeper than you're basic relationship. Because there are a lot more things to discuss. The amount of care, understanding, effort put in to a D/s relationship hits at you're very soul. Very early. You should learn each other inside and out. The dedication tends to be even deeper. You'll do things with this person you would have probably never done things with someone from your past. You should dedicate yourselves to each others happiness. The Dom's highest priorities should be your mental, spiritual, and physical health. Then your care, your happiness, your self esteem, your confidence, and your pleasure. One of the best orders I've read and completely agreed with is like this:
- Her needs
- His needs
- His wants
- Her wants
To give you a little understanding though about what I said earlier. About the depth of a D/s relationship. My personal experience itself didn't start as D/s. I fell in love, she became my best friend, eventually got married. The sex evolved, getting in to kinks. Then we eventually realized what was very natural for us. I was dominate, and she was submissive. It evolved very organically. I have always naturally lead. We just had to work on the communication. The more we discussed, the closer we got. But when it went as far as collaring her, it was like getting married twice. With a whole new set of rules. And deeper understanding. With a stronger dedication. And it went both ways. It took our relationship to a completely different level. Everything was stronger, more intense. We became happier. More driven. It just made everything better.
The D/s relationship is much, much deeper than the sex or kinks. It really is 100% dedication, effort, respect, and love. The best way it works is when you're both more concerned over the others happiness than you're own. Its a very selfless relationship. And it works amazing that way. How can you be unhappy when you're both fighting every day to make each other happy. Both in and out of the bedroom. Its not just about making each other happy. Its about making each other better, stronger. Great sex has never hurt a relationship though.
So, for the best D/s relationship and sexual experience, there are things you should be discussing and things that should never happen.
Discuss these topic:
- What turns you on
- What you will not do (hard limits)
- A safe word or two if you can keep moving after a limit reached
- Things you've never tried
- Things you want to try
- What goes right
- What goes wrong
- What are your fantasies
- If anything changes, in ways of hard limits, good/bad experiences together, any of those above
- Any time you use your safe word
- Things you know about yourself, what feels good, what doesn't
- Basically everything. Your heart, mind, body and soul. It should all be on the table for discussion.
- Ignoring a safe word (if ever, end the entire relationship) non-negotiable
- Attempting hard limits without discussing (sometimes hard limits change, sometimes they don't)
- Trying to motivate you with guilt
- Being punished with anger
- Lying to each other (it doesn't work without complete trust)
- Being made to feel bad about yourself (you should be building each other up)
- If you feel manipulated, something is probably wrong
- Anything that generally makes you feel or leaves you feeling bad about it
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