You Are Or You're Not
I've often said you're either Dom or Sub, or you're not. I don't think someone can force them self to be something they're not. It's something that's already in you or it isn't. You may not know you are until you explore it. But, if you find it is really not in you, you probably can't force it. To determine though you need to look within.
Probably as important to getting to know your partner, you need to know yourself. As you read BDSM or Dom/Sub relationships, really ask yourself if you could go through with it. Could you really lead? Or, are you really shy and it just sounds fun? Can you do as you're told? Or, would you be worried about boundaries? Not that there can be some. But if that's your concern, you probably will struggle with submitting.
Sometimes though, it really takes the right partner to walk you through it. You may struggle with the idea of submitting, but have not had a partner you've really trusted. To let go, it really takes a lot of love, respect and trust. In order to submit, you need to know your partner has your needs in mind. Even before theirs'. Because in order to lead, you really need to know your partner through and through.
Also understand I am a firm believer that there is a difference between BDSM and a Dom/Sub relationship. You can have BDSM in a Dom/Sub relationship. But I don't think you have to be in a Dom/Sub relationship for BDSM. Some people can submit or lead multiple partners. But some people can only do one of those with the right partner. This can be really true for submissives. You have to understand what they give up. What they really desire. Then you understand how special someone's submission really is.
Problems arise when subs are with the wrong partner. It can be simple sometimes. The sub just isn't getting what they need in the relationship. They may need more structure or guidance. Leaving them feeling lost or unfocused. It can be frustrating and may eventually look for another partner. It's like any relationship though. You're either compatible or you're not.
The more concerning is a sub having a fake dom as a partner. I think most of them just watch too much porn. Not all are threatening other than frustration. But some can be really harmful for the sub. Those kinds tend to be controlling, selfish and even sometimes abusive. The best way to know if you're with one is if you feel bad about yourself often. Or, feel uneasy or awkward with that partner. You should never feel bad in a Dom/Sub relationship.
I've found a few different kinds of fake doms out there. One I call the lonely dom. They're generally online or maybe on the phone. But they're really not good with meeting people in person. They generally don't pose a threat because you never meet them. Although it could become extremely frustrating when you find out. If they're that good at it online though, don't expect them to be exclusive because at the very core they're selfish.
Next would be the wannabe dom. They really try but generally lack the ability to understand their partners. Usually it just winds up being harmless. Other than going through failed relationships. If you're not yourself, it's hard to be in a relationship. But sometimes they can cause some damage by leading a sub in the wrong direction. This can make it hard for a sub to trust another partner. Best way to tell is if its just awkward. You can usually tell when someone really understands you.
The worst of them is the selfish prick. I don't even put dom in their title. These guys are selfish assholes after one thing. If I sound bitter. It's because they piss me off. Because they do cause damage, and for their own selfish desires. They don't care about their subs. The worst are really good at pretending. They are generally power hungry and only interested in their needs. They may even start off making it feel like they care. But eventually you will start feeling bad. Rather they make you feel bad. Or, you feel bad about the situation. You can also know if you're struggling to trust them.
I tell subs to trust their instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it's probably not. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. You're just with the wrong partner. If your partner makes you feel bad. Your'e with the wrong partner. It does you no favors in a relationship if you're with the wrong partner.
Those getting in to being dominate. You need to ask yourself a few things. Can you lead? Can you be trusted? Are you intuitive? Do you have empathy? Can you read people? Understand them? Put their needs above your own? Being a Dom is a responsibility. When a sub trusts you with everything they have. Every desire, fantasy, and give you all of them. You really need to be worthy.
Don't assume a problem or two means you're with the wrong partner. Sometimes you have to learn each other a little better. You should be discussing a lot. You should be sharing everything because you have that trust. But if the negatives are really out-weighing the positive, you probably need to walk away. Don't allow yourself to be hurt or lead down the wrong path. Allow yourself to find the right partner. Then explore how great a Dom/Sub relationship really is.
Probably as important to getting to know your partner, you need to know yourself. As you read BDSM or Dom/Sub relationships, really ask yourself if you could go through with it. Could you really lead? Or, are you really shy and it just sounds fun? Can you do as you're told? Or, would you be worried about boundaries? Not that there can be some. But if that's your concern, you probably will struggle with submitting.
Sometimes though, it really takes the right partner to walk you through it. You may struggle with the idea of submitting, but have not had a partner you've really trusted. To let go, it really takes a lot of love, respect and trust. In order to submit, you need to know your partner has your needs in mind. Even before theirs'. Because in order to lead, you really need to know your partner through and through.
Also understand I am a firm believer that there is a difference between BDSM and a Dom/Sub relationship. You can have BDSM in a Dom/Sub relationship. But I don't think you have to be in a Dom/Sub relationship for BDSM. Some people can submit or lead multiple partners. But some people can only do one of those with the right partner. This can be really true for submissives. You have to understand what they give up. What they really desire. Then you understand how special someone's submission really is.
Problems arise when subs are with the wrong partner. It can be simple sometimes. The sub just isn't getting what they need in the relationship. They may need more structure or guidance. Leaving them feeling lost or unfocused. It can be frustrating and may eventually look for another partner. It's like any relationship though. You're either compatible or you're not.
The more concerning is a sub having a fake dom as a partner. I think most of them just watch too much porn. Not all are threatening other than frustration. But some can be really harmful for the sub. Those kinds tend to be controlling, selfish and even sometimes abusive. The best way to know if you're with one is if you feel bad about yourself often. Or, feel uneasy or awkward with that partner. You should never feel bad in a Dom/Sub relationship.
I've found a few different kinds of fake doms out there. One I call the lonely dom. They're generally online or maybe on the phone. But they're really not good with meeting people in person. They generally don't pose a threat because you never meet them. Although it could become extremely frustrating when you find out. If they're that good at it online though, don't expect them to be exclusive because at the very core they're selfish.
Next would be the wannabe dom. They really try but generally lack the ability to understand their partners. Usually it just winds up being harmless. Other than going through failed relationships. If you're not yourself, it's hard to be in a relationship. But sometimes they can cause some damage by leading a sub in the wrong direction. This can make it hard for a sub to trust another partner. Best way to tell is if its just awkward. You can usually tell when someone really understands you.
The worst of them is the selfish prick. I don't even put dom in their title. These guys are selfish assholes after one thing. If I sound bitter. It's because they piss me off. Because they do cause damage, and for their own selfish desires. They don't care about their subs. The worst are really good at pretending. They are generally power hungry and only interested in their needs. They may even start off making it feel like they care. But eventually you will start feeling bad. Rather they make you feel bad. Or, you feel bad about the situation. You can also know if you're struggling to trust them.
I tell subs to trust their instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it's probably not. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. You're just with the wrong partner. If your partner makes you feel bad. Your'e with the wrong partner. It does you no favors in a relationship if you're with the wrong partner.
Those getting in to being dominate. You need to ask yourself a few things. Can you lead? Can you be trusted? Are you intuitive? Do you have empathy? Can you read people? Understand them? Put their needs above your own? Being a Dom is a responsibility. When a sub trusts you with everything they have. Every desire, fantasy, and give you all of them. You really need to be worthy.
Don't assume a problem or two means you're with the wrong partner. Sometimes you have to learn each other a little better. You should be discussing a lot. You should be sharing everything because you have that trust. But if the negatives are really out-weighing the positive, you probably need to walk away. Don't allow yourself to be hurt or lead down the wrong path. Allow yourself to find the right partner. Then explore how great a Dom/Sub relationship really is.
Comments
Post a Comment